Disciplining Your Children
When your child breaks a rule, God commands parents to correct their children. The Bible says in Proverbs, do not withhold the rod of correction from a child. It says "beat him with a rod and save his soul from Hell" (Proverbs 23:14). In our home, our rod came in the form of a wooden spoon. Correction meant the wooden spoon was applied to the child's bottom and always came with instruction and prayer. Many parents today seem to disapprove of spanking, but we found it to be very effective as a means for discipline and it is Biblical and should be utilized in a family.
Spanking is something that requires thought and discipline from the parent. Used irresponsibly, it can provoke your child to wrath (something the Bible commands against the parent doing), but used in a Godly manner, can be very beneficial in teaching consequences.
Firstly, spanking should be utilized from a young age (we started around the age of 2), up to the early teen years (around 13 or 14). As your child gets older, instruction should take place more often than correction. That is not to say a teenager will no longer require correction, but for the most part it should be a last resort as they get older (except in certain cases). When Laura was 17, she lied to us about going to a party with some friends. She not only got instruction, but she got a spanking as well. This was partly to remind her that even though she was older she still needed to abide by our rules, but also to show her siblings that we expect them to obey even if they are older. But certainly spanking was rare after the age of 13.
How should you administer a spanking? There are many ways to do this, but we found our method both safe and effective. Since the Bible teaches about the rod of correction, we wanted a rod of correction in our home. This came in the form of the wooden spoon, which we deemed the "spanking spoon." Our children hated the sight of the spanking spoon and simply placing the spoon on a table got their attention. We kept the spoon on the refrigerator above our list of rules, to remind them what the consequences were for breaking a rule.
When a child broke a rule and required correction, we would tell them (never yelling, just a firm voice), that they had earned a spanking. I would then go and get the spoon. With the spoon in hand, I would walk with the child to their room and close the door behind us. I believe that a spanking should always be done in private, just the parent and child, as to not embarrass them. I then would sit down with the child and explain to them what they did that required correction and why it was wrong. I made sure the child understood. Now, they did not have to agree, for the agreement comes from a corrected spirit. Often our children would argue against having to get a spanking but I simply told them that they broke the rule and the Bible tells me that I have to correct them. Once I had explained this to them, it was time for the actual spanking (the part we both hated the most!). I would calmly tell the child to bend over and guide them as they did so. I found that the safest way to administer a spanking was with the child in a secure and controlled position. What I would do is have the child lean across my lap, with their waist resting on my thighs. This way their arms were dangling down on one side where they could not block the spanks and their legs were dangling on the other side so they could not try to move or run away. The child's bottom made a simple target, ensuring the spanking would only be on the fatty part of the bottom, not the legs or back. Once the child was in position, I would ask if they were ready. Whether or not they answered if they were or not (often they would tearfully say that they weren't), I did this to let them know the spanking was imminent. Then I would spank their bottom with the round part of the wooden spoon a certain number of times depending on their age and severity of offense (usually for a younger child it was three swats and it grew with age, for example, a 12 year old might get 6 or 7 swats. I never gave more than 10). After the spanking, I would sit with the child again and wait until they were done crying and had calmed down. I would then pray with them and thank God for forgiving us. I would talk to them and make sure they understood why they got corrected and once I knew they were corrected, they were released.
A few things to note. First of all, I don't feel it is appropriate to remove the child's underwear for a spanking. I feel it is immodest and not necessary, especially if you use a wooden spoon, which tend to sting quite a bit. If the child is wearing thick jeans or some type of outer garment, you can have them take them off and spank them over their underwear. With our daughters, sometimes they would be wearing a big skirt. I would turn the skirt up or have them take it off if I was worried about spanking the part of the bottom that needed to be spanked and not the back or legs.
Also, be consistent with your routine. Its important to keep a consistent spanking routine for young children so they know what to expect. But even as they get older, I would still go about it the same way. If our child was 5 years old or 12 years old, they would still get a the same type of talk, would still have to bend over my lap, and would still get prayer afterward. I felt the consistency was a big part of the process.
Regarding age, it should be understood that children react differently to spanking as they get older, for the most part. A young child will scream and cry from the pain of the spoon on their bottom, while an older child might not express themselves as dramatically. If you are administering a spanking to an older child, make sure it still hurts. It needs to be something they do not want to happen. That is why I would increase the number of spankings and also would spank harder as they got older. And each child responds differently. David tended to do nothing but cry (especially during the spanking) until the spanking was over. Laura would try to argue her way out of it and was very dramatic during the actual spanking. And Rachel tend to act like it was not that big of a deal even though she certainly did not like having to get a spanking and would still cry from it. But crying does not mean the child is corrected. The act of spanking often is the correction, and the idea they received a spanking is enough to be a deterrent. It should hurt, but know that it is not simply the pain that corrects, but the fact that there is that specific pain for a specific thing they did that corrects.
Other parents also use other objects as their rod. I have friends who use a flat paddle, others use switches from trees or bushes, others a belt. We decided on the spoon and I feel it is a very good object to use as the rod. For one, it is not as scary as a big paddle or a belt. It is small and not something that can really injure the child if applied in a controlled manner. The round part of the spoon should be applied to the fatty part of the bottom so that it stings. I found that the trick is to bring the spoon down forcefully but not to strike the bottom forcefully. Rather, it should be make contact with the skin then be brought back up quickly. That produces the stinging sensation, as opposed to bringing it down purely with force, which can potentially bruise. You can practice on your own leg if you are not confident.
Also, it is a good idea to not spank in public. I even know parents that bring the spoon along with them, but with my children, I would tell them if they were acting up in public that when we got home they would get a spanking. This always got them acting good real quick but I always followed through regardless. The one exception is if company was over at our house, there were times when I would excuse myself and get the spoon, take the child into their room, and administer the spanking, the usual process with prayer. This was typically with our friends, not strangers who might be greatly upset at how we disciplined our children.
And lastly, some people have a problem with spanking girls. There is the noble virtue that our society has that I do agree with, never hit a girl. However, in my mind, spanking is not hitting (something fundamental that should be understood if you are to use spanking). We disciplined our son and our two daughters evenly. Our daughters knew the difference. If a student at school struck them they knew they got hit by that student. If they misbehaved and they got a spanking on their bottom with the wooden spoon in our controlled manner, they knew it was a spanking. In fact, my daughter Rachel made this comment to a friend a few years ago and I found it a good example of what I mentioned. She said my parents never hit me, they spanked me. And all three of my children approve of how they were raised, they even use spanking with their own children.
It should also be noted that we did things besides spank, depending on the situation. For example, my son was playing with dirt clogs and got the car all muddy. For his punishment, he had to clean the car. If an activity was getting in the way of schoolwork, they were restricted from that activity. It was only those rules I mentioned in the rules section that typically earned a spanking.
I believe that using spanking in a consistent and responsible manner is a great way to discipline a child. The parent must stay calm, be consistent, and do it out of love, with reflection and prayer involved in the process.