Good Friends for Your Children
Friends are one of the blessings God created. The ability for us to be encouraged by one another and feel loved is something that we take for granted. We also want our children to have the best friends possible.
But what makes a good friend? It is an unfortunate fact that not everyone would make a good friend for your child. There are many children out there set on rebellion, from parents, God, and authority in general. There are children who are simply irresponsible, sometimes to the extent as to get themselves in dangerous situations. There are other kids that will hold your children back, only discouraging them (the kind of kids that only tell mean jokes and never anything positive).
So what kinds of friends should your children have? They should have friends who are Christians or from Christian families (if they are young), first of all. Sharing the same values is a way to have a great connection as friends. It will also make it less likely that conflicts arise in the future, since values tend to be unwavering from people and a clash of values is often dramatic. Your children should have friends they enjoy being with, the kind that your children are begging to go to their house to play. Your children should have friends who you trust, as well as having a family that you trust.
How can you ensure that your children have good friends? In my opinion, it is not unreasonable that you not allow your children to spend extra time together with children you do not approve of outside of the classroom. With our children, there have only been a couple instances of that happening. For example, one of my daughters friends was friends with teenagers I knew were into drugs. So I told her, even though her friend didn't do it, the fact she always spent a lot of time around those that did, I did not want her putting herself in those potential peer pressure situations. She was not happy about my decision, but I think she understood.
Also, I don't feel you can force your child to be friends with another child. You can certainly encourage them to be, suggest they have a play date with a certain child. But forcing your child to spend a lot of time and pretending your child is friends with the other child is not a way to go. I have seen parents do that and those children eventually became friends, but I have also seen the same scenario where those children started getting in fights and I think it could possibly make your child more aggressive.
How do you address it if your child is spending time with someone you don't want them spending time with? With a young child its pretty simple, you just tell them they are not allowed to spend time with that child. If the parent of the other child confronts you, simply tell them the truth, your feelings. If they understand and agree with you (if their child is bad), then if they express that they want to try to correct their child's behavior, it may be that your child will be a good influence on them, rather then them being a bad influence on your child. But if they deny their child has those issues, now they know why you feel that way and it is as simple as that. For teenagers, explain that you are their parent and concerned with their best interest. They will likely say that you worry too much and they won't turn bad, but be persistent and firm with your ruling and they will respect that (if you have good reasons for your ruling).
Friends are something essential in life. They can also be a detriment if chosen poorly. As a parent, its important to help guide your children in their friend making.